3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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