I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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