Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
