He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
