So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
