Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
