I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
