guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
