Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
