hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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