Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
