The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
