bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
