So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
