i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
