I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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