I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
