i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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