so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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