i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
