I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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