I wish I only lived at night.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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