I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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