That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
