I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Randomize
