That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
