if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
