fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
