oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
