I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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