fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
