it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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