Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
