i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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