do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
