When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
