Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
