Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
