when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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