Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
