my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
