He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
We need to get me chipped asap
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
