glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
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