cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
