see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Say something about gay babies.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
