margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
