addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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