Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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