____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
