i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
