i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
