I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
