Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
